So here it is, my first foray into the written world. The brash lunge into foreign and frightening waters. It is often said that the greatest journeys all began with a single step and I feel that mine should be no different. I only hope that this first step, this first word, is rife with deep, touching significance and will be something to mark a legacy of profound musings. Here we go;
Dicks.
Well God DAMN it.
So now that I have ruined any presumption of tact, taste, or quality I suppose I should be able to express freely, what a relief. First off, I suppose you would like to know what the HELL I am doing? It is no surprise to some (and probably quite a shock to others) that I have an interest in becoming something of a humorist. Now, for those of you who have enjoyed my company in real life, this blog will probably be more of the same, only instead of my nasal screeching you will be hearing only the soft soothing sounds of your own inner monologue. Or perhaps the inner monologue of award winning African American actor, Morrigan Freeman, the choice is yours.
Now, I know I am no Hemingway, hell I'm not even an R.L. Stine! I can appreciate this, so I would ask that you bear with me. It is just as much a learning experience for myself as it is ocular poison for you. I plan on coming back and editing posts from time to time as deemed appropriate, and will mark changed entries as such.
"But Zack, what makes you think you are funny or talented enough to make a blog on the INTERNET?"
-Good question. I have always enjoyed humor through the medium of books. If any form of simple text can garner a laugh from me, it is impressive. As I'm sure many of you are aware, there are certain crucial elements of comedy that simply do not translate well through text, most importantly elements of tone. It's hard to tell if someone is being sarcastic, angry, pompous, jocular and the like simply by reading their words. Thankfully writers have bolds, italics, and CAPITALIZATION to help nudge the reader along, but ultimately it is reader themselves who can truely blossom the seed of humor. And so I plan on playing gardener to you all and I hope that at least a modicum of enjoyment can be harvested from this ridiculous fruit.
I feel it's important to mention that although I tried to handle this first post with a grain of tact, this will not be the case for subsequent posts. I feel no need to hide the fact that my jokes can be crude, rude, tasteless, inappropriate and will probably bar me from ever running for political office. If this bothers you, I will respect your disposition in real life. But I sure as hell won't do it here, so you can get. the fuck. out.
Every post will be ended the same way, with the deeply ironic line...
Stay Classy.
